Holiday Happiness
All the magazines I’ve spotted these last few weeks are about holiday stress—almost like it is a given for everybody and we better beware. There are all kinds of valuable tips on getting through theses “difficult” days and come out in January having survived another episode of “Satanic Siblings” or “Budget Breakdown” or “The Terrible Tie.”
Truth is, I’m not sure that stress this time of year can be totally eliminated although I did pretty well celebrating the holidays in Thailand a few years back. Since long trips to exotic places aren’t usually a yearly option for most of us, maybe we can just practice Safe Stress and enjoy what we have right here:
• Step out of fantasy land into reality. If you never got along with your cousin Georgio your entire life, it won’t be better because this is a magic time of year. His is still cousin Georgio. If your parents never got you a gift you liked they still won’t. Deal with it! Sibling rivalry? Family therapy at the holiday table? Excuse yourself and get a breath of air. You can’t change anyone’s politics or prejudices over the lasagna so stay out of it!
• Do watch your budget, stay out of debt and be careful not to over spend. Nothing is worse than getting that credit card bill that takes all year to pay down at 28% interest. This is a great time to invest time instead of money…that coupon book for cookie making in February, dinner and a movie in March can give your kids a gift to last a year.
• Do watch your alcohol consumption drink. Alcohol is a depressant. You are bound to feel worse the next day especially if you ended up arguing with Aunt Agnes. Again. Actually surprise yourself and try not to drink at all. It may not be so bad and you’ll feel better in the long run.
• Do keep your social calendar reasonable. If you don’t want to go to this party or that party be gracious and decline for this year.
• Watch out for Mall Madness. Shop when no one else is out there. Walk briskly around the mall a few times before you go into the stores to get your energy going—get in and get out and get home!
• Do get enough sleep.
• Do watch what you eat—sugar, carbs, and fats—-they are unavoidable right now. But are you a bingeaholic? Forget to eat lunch? Popping cookies at the office? Hovering around the buffet? Then go to a great party and pat your tummy and decline dinner when that is the perfect time to get some good food?
• Do exercise! Go to the 6:30 AM kettlebell circuit—or any circuit Punch Gym offers. Starting your day with a two minute round of swings and all that follows is a guaranteed boost of energy and endorphins!
• We may have losses and sadness triggered this month. Be sure to keep your friends in the loop about your feelings and share with those you trust.
Now, there is nothing in this list that’s new stuff to you. Most of these suggestions apply to life in general as well as the holidays. So I am going to add a little something new for you put in your holiday first aid kit that you can do all year long:
MEDITATE!!
I know. I know…you can’t meditate. Your mind is too busy, you don’t have the time, you don’t know how. You tried and it doesn’t work. But you can do it—-we all can! And there are so many benefits! Regular meditation helps your settle your mind so you can see more clearly how you want to be in your life. You just have to sit still once a day for 10 or 15 minutes and breathe. Don’t try to do more. In the beginning ten minutes is already a lot of work. As you become calm and clear in your mind your days are more relaxed and rich. Our world is filled with chaos: noise, TV, traffic, electronics, and people pulling at us—wouldn’t be nice to just sit and not respond for awhile? And the more you meditate the better you get at it. Like anything else you learn, some practice is involved.
Here is a very brief instruction on how to start meditating based on the Tibetan Buddhist practice. Meditation is really very natural for all of us if we would lighten up about it. Everyone suffers from what is called “monkey mind” always grasping at one thought after another thinking of the past, thinking of the future, thinking what others are thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking so much that we go through the entire day not being there and before you know it tomorrow comes and there you go again. When you stop to meditate and reset your busy brain, you will get much more out of your day. And your holiday!
Find a comfortable cushion and sit cross legged or a chair where you can sit forward with your feet flat on the floor. Sit with pride and imagine something is pulling you upward and downward at the same time so you are straight and grounded. Rest your hands on your thighs. Tuck your chin slightly down ward so your eyes are focused 4-6 feet in front of you. You are not staring but rather just glancing softly in front of you at nothing in particular. Your mouth is relaxed and a little open. If you need to move and adjust no problem—just do it and be comfortable.
Breathing meditation is generally the first technique to learn. There is no need to change the way you breathe. Just be natural. Notice that when you breathe there is a little gap at the top of your “in breath” and again at your “out breath.” For now just notice your “out breath” during your meditation. At the same time, notice the gap where nothing at all seems to be happening.
Now the fun begins because your mind is already wild and you haven’t even settled down. Thoughts start intruding almost right away. I can get to three breaths and suddenly—there it is. What am I making for dinner? Did I pay the electric bill? I’m really angry at being rear ended causing damage to my car….bla bla bla.
Some of our thoughts are important—so what do you do? You can either label each thought “thinking” and go back to breath or you can say to yourself,” This is an important thought but right now I am practicing meditation,” and go back to breath. Sometimes you may hear a little chattering in the back ground of your mind. You can ignore the chatter because those are not thoughts. Sometimes you may find yourself getting really involved in your thoughts as they carry you away. Then suddenly you think—“Wow, I can’t believe I got so involved in this issue.” Following thoughts happens to everyone. You are not a failure if you spend your entire ten minutes being surprised at what keeps coming up and letting it go as you get back to noticing your breath. No judgment. Just let thoughts go and come back to breath. After a few sessions your mind will begin to tame. And then for no reason there it is again—bla bla bla but you will have more experience getting back to breath.
People often think that meditating means there is no thinking. In reality, the point is to see how we are thinking and how we are caught in certain thought patterns or habits. It’s interesting to see how we are willing to hitch a ride with whatever thought comes up and go the distance away from ourselves into some fantasy. We really learn who we are and can see how we get in our own way of being happy when we take the time to meditate. We can learn to approach stressful situations in a more functional way when we slow down and see where we are going and not jump onto the first ride that comes along!
It is not too late to start to practice a little meditating every day. You may find yourself being more relaxed, more mindful of the pitfalls that carry you away from taking care of yourself right now and in the future.
Good Luck!!
Linda Handel, Mental Health Counselor and meditator
Staci’s tip of the week:
With the new year approaching rapidly, many of us are already thinking of this year’s resolution. The end of the year always seems to inspire us to set goals that somehow make up for the past year’s shortfalls. Whether they be weight loss goals, overall health goals, or goals pertaining to our work life or social life - whatever they may be, for one reason or another, they always seem to fall just a bit short of allowing us to reach success.
For myself, I set my new year’s resolution to live a healthier lifestyle by adapting better eating habits. Gaining insight through Precision Nutrition, I’ve been able to pinpoint those areas in my eating cycle that need adjustment - some slight and some massive. One of the issues that I faced early on is do I want to start this so close to the holiday season? For many of us the season will mark a time of parties, get-togethers and overall celebrations that results in a veritable cornucopia of temptations ranging anywhere from caloric heavy meals and deserts, to an over indulgence in alcoholic beverages all with the same outcome…far too many calories. But for me, growing up in an Italian household, the food, along with the calories, was as much a part of the season as the Christmas tree and mistletoe; so how do I start my new habits during a time so closely associated with my old habits? The answer was basic but far from easy. No more excuses. D-Day has to happen eventually, and as the axiom says “there’s no better time than now”.
With that as my motivation, I was able to reason my way around the usual excuses of not wanting to start something of this nature during the holiday season (I had to stop myself from referring to “something of this nature” a diet - diets don’t work, lifestyle changes do). And let’s face it, what is the holiday season anyway, counting Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve it’s really only 3 days of celebration spread over about a month and a half, peppered with a couple of office parties and get-togethers. Is that really something that should put you off from starting your New Year’s Resolution early? Absolutely not. That’s like saying you don’t want to start a diet in the summer time because you have 2 cook-outs in June and a 4th of July party to go to. It doesn’t make any sense. Are you really benefiting by making excuses? Start today. When those holiday parties come along, enjoy them - in every way you know how - but when the day is over, get back to being healthy again.